The who-am-I? complex: the causes

Who am I? Ask yourself have you ever asked yourself this question before? Most of you may say no, ok then now ask yourself this question have you ever thought this before? See how that no suddenly shifts to a maybe or a yes. Personally speaking I know I’ve asked myself this question before but in different variations for example I can’t do it, She’s better than me at this so I’ll just won’t do it, I’m not good enough for that [job/person/lifestyle/dream]. Now do any of these statements sound familiar? If they do keep reading, if not skedaddle (na I’m joking you can keep reading too 🙂 )

Why do we do this? Why are most humans beings capable of believing and trusting so much in other people but not themselves? To be honest I don’t know why there are many reasons but I know a couple of reasons: self-doubt and fear. Both these things work in similar ways but for the same goal to stop you from doing things you’re not used to which results in you never getting more than you have. I can talk about this because it’s a ongoing battle for me and I know what it’s like to always be bombarded by doubts, to always have thoughts second guessing you and undermining your decisions. I say it’s a ongoing battle because I’ve decided not to be a victim to these thoughts, to not accept them as my own, to reject them as they come but this doesn’t mean they will stop no way. Everyday those thoughts will always try to come back into my mind but I have to fight against them if I want a better quality of life  and I’m guessing so do you. Now before fighting these thoughts we must identify what causes us to have this who-am-I complex as mentioned before self-doubt and fear are major causes to this complex so I’m going to breakdown each one.

Self-doubt:

Notice that I didn’t put doubts but self-doubt why? Because you can have doubts about anything and everything e.g. I doubt if she’s telling the truth, I seriously doubt it’s going to work etc. And whilst these aren’t good it becomes a serious problem when you start to doubt yourself.  You are meant to be your biggest fan, in reality you have to love yourself more than anyone can because if you don’t love yourself how can you love others? So when you have self-doubt you undermine and put down the most important person in the world which is you. The most important person to you has to be yourself, it can’t be a celebrity, or a friend or even family, because only you can look after you. Your family cannot look after you like you can, so you have to value yourself dearly but unfortunately due to self-doubt many people have a hard time valuing themselves. They begin to doubt their worth because of what others said or did to them, they begin to doubt their ability to succeed because of their many failures and the list goes on. Self-doubt ruins our confidence in everything we do to the point where we just don’t want to do anything because we are worried and unsure of the outcome. This leads onto the next point, fear.

Fear:

Whereas self-doubt ruins confidence, fear inhibits any action at all. Fear literally freezes you in time, because of fear you don’t do anything which ultimately means you don’t achieve anything and when you don’t achieve anything self-doubt comes along and reiterates that look you’ve achieved nothing (because of fear) so you can’t be sure if you’ll ever succeed which leads to more fear. See how these two work together. Fear makes you focus on all the negative things that can happen without showing the good that can come out of it.

OK so I know you’re probably thinking where’s the good part to this post but this is the good part, now you need to identify if 1) you have a who-am-I complex and 2) which one of the causes you can see you’re affected by if any. Then in the next post I will tell you how to combat both these issues which are things I have to practice everyday and it’s not easy but it’s possible. Just remember that the first step to solving a problem is figuring out it’s cause. 🙂

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