It’s hard to admit but I am kind of a people pleaser, I say kind of because there are times when I just don’t care what people think and I just do what I want. But still these times are rare, generally I don’t like to make waves. At times this is great because people like me I make friends very easily and most importantly I repeat people like me. It’s not great when I start worrying about pleasing other people more than myself. Now don’t get me wrong I believe in helping others and I think one of the greatest things someone can do is to put someone else’s needs before their own. But people pleasing isn’t that, being a people pleaser is when even if it’ll make you sad or even hurt you, you’ll still do it because you want the other person to think you’re a nice person. I have so many examples of this in my life but I’m not going to share but I will say this. Recently I felt a bit down about this blog I was feeling a bit disappointed see here, and then my mind started wandering as to what I could do. All of a sudden I thought you know what I’m going to write what I want, what I’m interested in instead of trying to write to attract people I’m just going to write whatever I want and sincerely between you and me I really am going to try. Now this is great and would be even better if I had this attitude every time I wanted to do something in order to please others. The reality is usually I’m prone to conform to people pleasing.
People pleasing is tough, for those who do it you know you are constantly sacrificing yourself to please others not necessarily to help them but just so they won’t be angry with you. You’re constantly asking yourself questions like; Will they not like what I’m doing? But what will other people think? I hope no-one complains about what I’m going to do. In certain situations there’s nothing wrong with these questions, however most of the time these questions stop us from doing something out of fear that we may *gasp* offend someone else. One of the main things that I think make me a people pleaser is my reluctance at times to say no the only person who I would say I can say no to quite comfortably is my mum but I think that’s a good thing because she’s the one of the only people in the world who I know even if I say no she won’t judge me and she’ll always love me! But if you are a people pleaser I think you’ll agree with me that saying no is one of the hardest things for us. No is rejection we don’t want anyone to think we’re rejecting even if we really want to. So what do we do? We say yes, yes to everything, yes even when we mean no. Yes to a commitment even if it means we won’t be able to handle the commitments we already have. Yes to do someone a favour even if it means we may get hurt in the process. Now you may say oh come on that’s just being a nice person being helpful. I agree with being helpful, being selfish isn’t a good character trait but there’s a line between being helpful and being a people pleaser. Being helpful is when you genuinely want to help, so whether you’re asked or not you offer your services to help someone else and whilst doing it you’re happy to do it. People pleasing is entirely different you offer your help out of intimidation and fear of what people will say if you don’t help and so begrudgingly you help. But whilst your helping your upset with yourself for caving into pressure and wish you could be anywhere else. Do you see the difference?
I am going to work on people pleasing because whilst in other people’s eyes you may seem like a really helpful person but deep down inside you know you don’t want to and isn’t that almost deceitful in some way. Most people want others to help them because they genuinely want to, not because they feel forced to. Also I challenge you to look at the root of people pleasing which is form of selfishness. Let me explain, you’re doing all this stuff for people to be pleased, but to be pleased with what? You. We people please so that people will be pleased with us, so they’ll like us and want us around. People pleasing comes from a need to be liked so in reality it’s not about pleasing others but more about us filling our innate desire to be liked by others, so instead of the altruistic act that others may see deep down its a desperate act of attention.